maybe i'm not the only one?

i turned the breakfast club on this morning and they had a psychologist who deals with mommy wounds. i'm not sure i would've recognized my mommy wounds if it weren't for the TWO SURGERIES i've been FORCED to endure because i was used as a shield while my mom was being kicked by my dad when i was a toddler. i wouldn't consider either parents less guilty than the other.. they were both too immature to have kids- but my mom is stupid, so she just had more! my grandparents recognized this and tried to help as much as possible. i had always been attached to my grandparents and my psychologist and i came up with the reason for that. thinking about the traumatizing dreams that were reminiscing of when i was KICKED by my dad because my mom nanchalantly turned with me in her arms (as if to tell him he should calm down because i was there- i think, but then again- my mom doesn't think that logically, so it was to use me as a shield while he was kicking her). i had naturally had an attraction of staying at my grandparents' house when i was growing up and my psychologist came up with how i felt safety by trusted adults. i realized that my facebook reactions by my friends have went down ever since i figured out the reason for my bowel surgeries. they were raised in safe, happy families and this kind of situation is foreign to them and they're not sure what the appropriate way to react. my mom has NEVER denied this ridiculous parenting at her hands. she's more than likely ashamed and still immature- so she's not sure what to do and her mommy-savior isn't here to condone her neglect/abuse anymore- SO SHE'S SCREWED! i honestly couldn't figure out the reason why i always wanted to be at my grandparents' house over my mom's house until i thought about it one day with my psychologist. has she ever even brought this situation of neglect and abuse to me ever? HELL NO. she assumes i'm stupid- so i'll just kick it under the rug and act like it never happened. a few problems with that- my body doesn't seem to want to forget this neglect/abuse.. SO I'VE BEEN FORCED TO ENDURE TWO SURGERIES SO FAR! at this rate- i'll be shitting in a colostomy bag soon thanks to my asshole parents! the rest of my family who has knowledge of this abuse/neglect just assume it'll go away if no one brings it up too! that alone shows the amount of disrespect and lack of CARE they have for me as a person- especially since i've went through TWO surgeries caused by this narcissistic bum. SO IF YOU HONESTLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I WANT TO MOVE AS FAR AWAY FROM MY NARCISSISTIC-SELFISH MOM, YOU'RE SERIOUSLY CLUELESS AND SELFISH YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT MY SAFETY AND HAPPINESS. MY MOM WILL CAUSE MORE WORK FOR YOU, CLEANING UP HER MESS AND ALL THE PAIN SHE'S BOUND TO BE THE CAUSE OF. especially if you think not helping me get somewhere safe and successful will help you because it's not your business- NARCISSISTIC BUMS LIKE MY MOM HAVE A WAY OF MAKING IT YOUR BUSINESS! laugh at that and call me "crazy" all you want but i'm sure in the back of your mind- YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE. that's what you get for enabling this abuse and negligence. you got this! *rolls eyes* i know she hasn't grown up either because even AFTER the car accident i was in when i was in a wheelchair, my mom would still leave me at her apartment helpless and alone so she could go play pool with her little boyfriend carlos at the bar. i called my grandma when i needed help once and i told her the situation, to which my grandma was PISSED off at my mom and bitched her out for it. now that my grandma isn't here anymore to tame her- she does WTF she wants and is trying to bring me down to her level so she's not lonely. you need help. time to grow up.